My dream, 30 plus years ago, was to travel about but it didn't happen. Love, lust, drugs, a complete lack of confidence, a desire to feel safe, a desire to feel dangerous and hurt, and an overwhelming obsession with alcohol kept me from pursuing any type of dream. At my core, I wanted to be in NY and or Washington state but I didn't have the tools to get there. At some point I found myself pregnant, in a horrible relationship (with several inappropriate ones to follow) and wanting to go home - which was both a huge mistake and the best choice, and here we are 23(?), 24(?) years later living in a whole new state and with a whole new life and with the tools to attempt to navigate myself in the unknown.
I was thinking this morning about where I was even 6 years ago and how different my life is - now: I am single, parent less, no longer working for an abusive boss, not working at all as matter of fact, losing my ability to fight back against my own body physically; I've certainly transported my art from expected/average/acceptable images to works that feel like they transcend the painter, and stuck watching my grown son navigate himself from a very, very far distance - an even wider distance than he would allow me to stand and watch 6 years ago... life has changed. Some of the changes have broken my heart and made me into a fearful person, other changes have made me into a stalwart but, I believe, all of them were somewhat necessary to get me here. Either that or life was unrelentingly cruel and I've learned to adapt. And so there we are and here I am.
Onto the work of the day:
|The beginning of "in einem entscheidenden Punkt, aufgeben or Punkt "|
|Applying thick acrylic on aerosol|
|Adding oils - my preference is Gamblin paint company colors and materials |
http://www.gamblincolors.com/materials.html. They're products are sumptuous, rich, creamy and never contain grains - although my work can look like I might not care about the feel of paint, it is, in fact, THE most important determining factor to my work. The wrong paint or material(s) choice can destroy how I feel about a painting or help me transcend time I spend working on a painting. If the products are inferior, I'll spend my time frustrated and trying to make do. If the products are brilliant, I get to focus on my work instead of the struggle between me and my need to control my materials.
|And oh, those lips! They will be a sumptuous red when I'm done. Trampy, bourlesque, Joel Grey in "Cabaret" red...with a hint of Norbert Leo Butz sexy.|
Okay, back to work...