Sunday, February 12, 2012

02/12 pm

All my bravado and I didn't get a single thing done today. Blogged, posted, showered, walked the dog, took him to the doggie park and then RSD/CRPS took over - I slept most of the afternoon. Still in so much pain I can barely keep my eyes open. All my great plans of going to AS220 and printing are out the window, there's so much swelling I can't close my hands.

From my posts it may seem like I get manic bc I just churn out work for days and then I crash but that's the nature of working around this stupid illness - you have to get as much done as you possibly can when you feel good because you never know when you're going to end up in horrible pain, flat out and unable to move. I beat my self endlessly when I get like this - I should be able to control the way I feel by just deciding I feel fine. I should be able to do what i want when I want because my mind has decided I can...unfortunately, that's not how it works. Pushing myself when things get this difficult can leave me in recovery for days.

This is just dumb. So F-ing dumb. And a big fat waste of time.

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